Two years. A year seems like a long time, until you count your grief in years.
We were just married and so, so hopeful for you; so excited. You were so wanted. It was over far too quickly and cruelly. I think of you often, especially now: we've come full circle. Vacillating from absolute, complete darkness to hope, dealing with the worst of human nature and finding the best.
You were loved, very, very much, and still are. You helped your father and I learn what and who really matters, and you gave the two of us so much more understanding and love for one another. We would never have come to that if it hadn't been for you. I'm so sorry your little life was so brief, but it did make an impact on us, all for the better, even though losing you has been the worst thing that ever happened to me. I just can't imagine that your presence was without a point or value; I believe it was very valuable, but it took me a long time to understand and accept how. And be grateful for the worst, and one of the best, things that ever happened to us.
We still miss who you might have been, maybe even more so now that we've had a wonderful eight months with Leah. Your sister is beautiful and makes us glow. I wouldn't have traded you for anything, but I'm grateful to you for starting us on our path to Leah. Losing you is still the worst thing that's ever happened to us. I still remember, so clearly, waking up that morning and feeling peaceful and glowing at the thought of what your Daddy and I had made, a calm joy at what the coming months and years would bring. And then later that day, the horror of what was happening. I still feel that horror. It was meant to be this way, but I'm still so sorry I couldn't do right by you. I only hope that the way we live our lives now is a testament to how you touched us.
We love you.
No comments:
Post a Comment