A Different Sort of Remembrance Day

Two years. A year seems like a long time, until you count your grief in years.

We were just married and so, so hopeful for you; so excited. You were so wanted. It was over far too quickly and cruelly. I think of you often, especially now: we've come full circle. Vacillating from absolute, complete darkness to hope, dealing with the worst of human nature and finding the best.

You were loved, very, very much, and still are. You helped your father and I learn what and who really matters, and you gave the two of us so much more understanding and love for one another. We would never have come to that if it hadn't been for you. I'm so sorry your little life was so brief, but it did make an impact on us, all for the better, even though losing you has been the worst thing that ever happened to me. I just can't imagine that your presence was without a point or value; I believe it was very valuable, but it took me a long time to understand and accept how. And be grateful for the worst, and one of the best, things that ever happened to us.

We still miss who you might have been, maybe even more so now that we've had a wonderful eight months with Leah. Your sister is beautiful and makes us glow. I wouldn't have traded you for anything, but I'm grateful to you for starting us on our path to Leah. Losing you is still the worst thing that's ever happened to us. I still remember, so clearly, waking up that morning and feeling peaceful and glowing at the thought of what your Daddy and I had made, a calm joy at what the coming months and years would bring. And then later that day, the horror of what was happening. I still feel that horror. It was meant to be this way, but I'm still so sorry I couldn't do right by you. I only hope that the way we live our lives now is a testament to how you touched us.

We love you.

Super cool giveaway!

Check out this giveaway for a package of Canadian-made pocket diapers! It sounds like a fabulous company. Their colours are pretty, with a fair price point. No bogus lines about the Canadian government "unfairly taxing" diapers that are made outside of North America, either...

I hope we get to try these sometime soon, once The Horrible Rash is cleared up!

Cheering Myself Up

Leah is eight months old, strong and healthy and funny.

She has a beautiful smile, my eyes and a wonky spot on her ear that she got from me, too.

Leah knows her name now.

She's learning to clap her hands and is doing so to some songs on "Sesame Street" as I write this. She loves the Will.I.Am song... "Oh, I'mma keep my head up high, Keep on reachin' high, Never gonna quit, Just keep gettin' stronger..."

Leah loves her Exersaucer, and jumps so energetically that sometimes I think she'll bring down the house. She babbles and has a magnificent laugh.

She is getting ready to crawl, but in the meantime, she gets where she needs to go by bouncing on her bum and digging in her heels to propel herself forward. She did that to reach the ragdoll I made for her that was on the edge of the couch.

My husband is happy at work. We have a beautiful home, lots of good food to eat and we are warm. Our car had the sensibility to breakdown while we were still at our hotel on Sunday, and not while we were in the middle of nowhere on the 401.

And now, I'm going to go out and see how many people in weird outfits I can find.

There. I feel pretty good now.

This is Leah's rag doll. I'll be making more for an upcoming craft sale. I love sewing. :)